Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
being pregnant is like rehab
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
