life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
