just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
