Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
