So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We need to rekindle our bromance
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize