I am spending my child support on dildos
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Everclear isn't food dammit
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