I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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