The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
