Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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