I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
