remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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