Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
