I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
