ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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