glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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