you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
