marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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