I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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