Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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