So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Rumble strips road head = magical
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
