for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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