Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
