I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
