chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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