and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The Olympian is in my bed
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