You made me cry and you don't even care
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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