Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
