just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
