Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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