dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
