seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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