after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
