He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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