My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
two words: eviction party
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
