took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
