i already hear my dad disowning me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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