the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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