I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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