guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
