my phone needs a breathalizer
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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