If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
