She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
