the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
