yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
