omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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