Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Come on in and take your pants off
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