New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
