If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't notice because vodka
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We are all done wearing pants today
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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