I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
