Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
