All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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