You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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