so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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