Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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