even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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