I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
