I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
