im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
