All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize