hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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