i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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