Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
