She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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