i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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