you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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