Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
