No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
