Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
