I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
