tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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