My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
