she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
BRING THE BAGELS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
