You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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