yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
