oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize