On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize