i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
