how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
